Being Truthful for One More Day
Events for the next three days:
Collective Presencing w/ Ria Baeck. Every Friday @ 12:00 PM ET. RSVP here. 90 mins.
Socratic Speed Dating w/ Raven Connolly Every Friday @ 7:00 PM ET. RSVP here. 60 mins.
The Dark Stoa w/ Pat Ryan. Every Friday @ 8:30 PM ET. RSVP here.
Memetic Mediation Campfire w/ Jason Snyder and Peter Limberg. Every Sunday @ 3:30 PM ET. RSVP here.
Metagame Mastermind w/ Daniel Kazandjian.Every Sunday @ 6:00 PM ET. RSVP here. 60 mins.
***
July 23, 2020
Right. Okay. Let me be truthful for one more day.
Here I am again. In the morning. Drinking an espresso. Desiring a reset.
I have written to myself every day since March 23rd, which makes 121 days in a row. I never thought myself a good writer but I did try to write as best I could. Some entries felt inspired, others not so much, but I was here writing what wanted to be written, as truthfully as I could.
I need a reset though, with these journals and with stewarding The Stoa. Maybe this adventure I went on since launching The Stoa on March 20th—which included going almost insane in public, having “new relationship energy” with other women, and meeting all of these fucking awesome people—was spiritually in service of getting into the right relationship with my wife. If that is the only “accomplishment” that comes from this, then I am satisfied.
I sense I am in the right relationship with my wife now, but this is something not to get too cocky about; this is something to be watchful for. There are so many hotties in the world after all, and when it comes to sexual appetites I am your classic heterosexual dudebro, so I will be on guard when my inevitable philosophical groupies start throwing their existential panties at me. Is that joke cancel worthy? Is it #MeToo’able? I do not know and I do not care right now, probably because this meta Stoic dudebro needs a reset.
I did not want to write this morning, as I was going to write about how I probably was not going to write tomorrow. Maybe I need a break from writing daily. I never did make a hard commitment to write daily. I do not want to break the writing streak though, mainly because it seems like a cool thing to keep doing. Is that enough to keep going?
I also feel like The Stoa needs a reset. I am questioning the whole “gift economy” framing. I want to cut a few events in the wisdom gym, which is going to be difficult for me to deliver to the facilitators. I am going to have to “blacklist” a regular to The Stoa, who I am receiving many complaints about and who is greatly annoying me. I want to invite new faces to The Stoa, and I can totally lean on my status to do so, but with all these outstanding things I am not inspired to do so.
A steward has to do unpleasant things at times. If I am going to keep doing this thing, it needs to be rewarding for me. I think I default to this “let’s have everyone like me” nice guy mode, but I cannot be that guy if I am going to keep myself in this stewarding game. I am going to have to disappoint people and receive criticism from people, fair and unfair.
I am going on a solo road trip tomorrow to Ottawa, which is a four-hour drive. I am going to meet Christoph there, the holy wild man. We will surely drink, write poetry, and roam the city with an excited thumos. I sense this will be a good chance at a reset and I just want to let go of my mind. I will be back on Sunday evening and I do not know what is going to happen.
I do not know if I will be writing here for the next three days. If I do not, maybe I will be uninspired to return to writing on Monday morning. Camille and I also have financial stuff to consider now, which means I may have to consider entering the normie workforce again. So maybe I will be uninspired to steward The Stoa as well.
Writing all of this feels really good. I was concerned about writing this, because I had this desire to put up a false notion of certainty. But the philosophical life is not a fake life. Right now, there is a sense of excitement to blow everything up. Pinky and Socrates, that is all I want. That is all I need.
I am going to write a few more words here, not knowing if I will be writing any more after that. The daemon knows though. The daemon always knows. I am curious to see what he suggests.