Every Time You Go Away
Hey beautiful people,
A few updates…
We are launching an “Embodied Book Club,” in October, and of course, the first book is going to be Ria Baeck’s Collective Presencing! These will occur over a period of 6 weeks. To attend the sessions, please commit to the whole schedule, and read the required chapters beforehand. More information is on the RSVP link below.
Embodied Book Club: Collective Presencing w/ Ria Baeck. Saturdays from October 3rd to November 7th @ 12:00 PM ET. RSVP by clicking the image below.
Another exciting thing we are launching in October is Empathy Circle training!
This is a conversational modality developed by Edwin Rutsch, who has used this technique on the front-lines of the culture war, e.g. the 2017 Berkeley protest, and has actively been used by memetic tribes such as Extinction Rebellion. For a preview, check out John Vervaeke, Jason Synder, and I trying out the modality with Edwin last year.
These will take place during the “Memetic Mediation Campfires,” that happen on Sunday’s at 3:30 PM ET. There will be 4 sessions in total. If you attend 3 of them, you will receive a "certificate of completion,” and you will be eligible to attend the Empathy Circle Facilitator Training that Edwin runs.
Empathy Circle Training w/ Edwin Rutsch. October 4th, 11th, 18th, and 25th @ 3:30 PM ET. RSVP by clicking the certificate below.
Tomorrow’s event:
The Alexander Technique w/ Michael Ashcroft. September 26th @ 12:00 PM ET. RSVP here.
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September 25, 2020
Premeditatio malorum is the Stoic practice of reflecting on worst case scenarios, and being prepared for them. For example, after tucking your child into bed, and kissing them on the head, Epictetus recommended that you reflect on how tomorrow they may be dead. Yeah. Stoics are weird, even back then.
The purpose of this is to be mentally and emotionally prepared for when “bad” things happen, or when “dispreferred indifferents” happen, to use Stoic jargon. On friends you care for, Epictetus recommended reflecting on the following: Tomorrow you will go away or I shall, and never shall we see one another again?
I was corresponding with Emmanuelle, a regular at The Stoa, about how people come and go at The Stoa. When they go, sometimes they come back, and sometimes they do not. I develop emotional attachments to people I see regularly, and I get sad when I stop seeing them. I am only human.
My emotions can get on the intense side. I probably do not believe in astrology, but I am a double Scorpio, sun and moon, and what I read about double Scorpios seems true enough for me. Something is usually smoldering inside, if not burning. I love intensely.
This is why I am drawn to Stoicism I suppose. To get a handle on the emotional storms, so they do not hurt me, or others. I am listening to a Tricky song, The Only Way, and these lyrics are resonating:
Every time you go away, I feel the pain
I feel the same, it's like the rain
I hear your name, I fall apart
This is the end, why do we start?
This is the only way, you go away
The truth is that everyone, and everything, goes away eventually. And it can make you feel the pain, and sometimes feeling the pain does not make you want to start again. An obvious strategy emerges—starting brings pain, hence do not start.
Wisdom is not obvious though, and doing this is deeply unwise. Starting is important, and so is continuing, despite the inevitability of pain. This is especially true for relationships. I learned a new term at A.J. Bond’s Shame Breakthrough Bootcamp yesterday, called “foreboding joy,” which was coined by Brené Brown.
This is when the experience of joy gets stripped from us because we are afraid it will go away… The feeling of joy is too good to be true. It cannot last. It never lasts. It has a history of breaking my heart, so fuck it. I will leave first.
When the sense of tomorrow died for me, there was nothing but the now. In that state of situated nowness, I was not emotionally reflecting on what is ahead. I was here to face what was here, the good and bad, the preferred and dispreferred.
The sense of tomorrow has been resurrected, and with it so has “normal” consciousness. In a world where tomorrow exists, I need my Stoicism. I need it because pain will come, both physical and emotional. You cannot appreciate the joy life gifts you, unless you have a readiness for the pain that will come your way, and it will come your way.
It is the only way. Everyone and everything will go away. And yeah, every time you go away, I will feel the pain, and I am prepared for that. But you are here now, and this fills me up with joy, and I am here for that.
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