How to Avoid Trauma Bonding?

A living question…

How to avoid trauma bonding?

An honest response...

I do not know.

A more nuanced question:

How do you respond (not react) to someone who uses trauma bonding as their main relational technique? 

A direct response:

Leave.

What is trauma bonding? I like this definition from verywellmind:

A trauma bond develops in relationships where there is a power imbalance and a cycle of reward and punishment. The abuser is in a position of power over the person being abused and alternates between hurting and soothing them.

Some people, those who are very hurt, have this as their main way of relating to others. The abused rationalize this behavior by making excuses for it and even employ utilitarian principles to support it. They “enable by a thousand cuts." No. You leave. You do not place yourself in a position where your integrity will be compromised. You don’t need fancy principles for this; you feel it in your body.

If you have access to choice, you exercise it. No amount of money is as valuable as your integrity. While money is often said to be the store of value, this is a lie. Integrity is. 

I am returning full-time to my philosophy practice (think coaching and therapy with a dash of deep philosophizing) next week. If you would like to inquire with me, you can respond to this newsletter or email me at thestoa at protonmail dot com.

If you’d like to join me for Collective Journaling and shake off any trauma bonding with words that are good, true, and beautiful, you can RSVP behind the paywall.

What is Collective Journalling? Our Zoom-based communal journaling session lasts 90 mins. It includes check-ins via chat at the start and optional breakout rooms for connecting at the end. We end with an optional chat sharing. Most of the session involves silent individual inquiry. A wonderful group has gathered for this practice. The practice occurs on weekdays @ 8 AM ET.