The Riskiness of Living
Hey beautiful people,
I am back from my weeklong road trip, and The Stoa is fully back in spiritual business. Thirteen exciting events have just been posted, with more to come. You can RSVP to them below.
The “Coaches in Resonance” is back on as well. I am making myself available again for the months of April and May. I got fully booked up last time, so if you missed out and would like to book a coaching session with me, you can do so here: www.thestoa.ca/coaches
Also, a request: does anybody have decent video editing skills? I am looking to update the intro video to The Stoa’s YouTube channel, roughly around the same time as the current one (20 seconds). If you are available to help out with this, feel free to reply to this email.
Lastly, I had a fun conversation recently with the boys from Technosocial, which can be seen here:
Newly posted events:
Coaches in Resonance: Trauma and Embodiment Edition W/ Nathan Vanderpool and Schuyler Brown. April 7th @ 12 PM ET. RSVP here. 75 mins.
Narcissistic Spotlight W/ A.J. Bond. April 6th @ 6:00 PM ET. Clubhouse event. 60 mins.
The Bridge to Virtue W/ Evan McMullen. April 12th @ 6:00 PM ET. RSVP here. 90 mins.
Stealing the Culture with Dialogos: Being a Man W/ Jack Donovan, Ole Bjerg, Cadell Last, and Nina Power. April 13th @ 12:00 PM ET. Patreon event.
Lost Will: Reclaiming the Wild Voice of the Soul W/ Rebecca Altman. April 15th @ 6:00 PM ET. RSVP here. 60 mins.
Self & Unself: A Provocation W/ Darren Allen. April 18th @ 2:00 PM ET. RSVP here. 60 mins
Black Feminism and Womanism: Soulful Critique in a Pivotal Time W/ Loretta Ross, Imani Perry, Toni M. Bond, and Greg Thomas. April 20th @ 12:00 PM ET. RSVP here.
Existential Hope W/ Allison Duettman. April 21st @ 12:00 PM ET. RSVP here. 60 mins.
Extinction Rebellion W/ Gail Bradbrook. April 23rd @ 11:00 AM ET. RSVP here. 60 mins.
Becoming a Randonaut W/ Joshua Lengfelder. May 3rd @ 12:00 PM ET. RSVP here. 60 mins.
Circling: A Taste W/ Taylor Barratt. May 3rd @ 6:00 PM ET. Patreon event.
Design Leadership for an Emerging Future W/ Lisa Norton, Maria Giudice, and Greg Thomas. May 5th @ 12:00 PM ET. RSVP here. 90 mins.
Evolving Ground: 04 Principle & Function W/ Charlie Awbery and Jared Janes. May 23rd @ 12:30 PM ET. RSVP here. 90 mins.
If you have not already, be sure to check out the ongoing sessions in The Stoa’s wisdom gym:
Collective Presencing w/ Ria Baeck. Every Friday @ 8:00 AM ET and 12:00 PM ET. RSVP here and here. 90 mins.
The Glass Bead Game w/ The Metabeaders. Every Saturday @ 4:00 PM ET. RSVP here. 120 mins.
Stoic Breath w/ Steve Beattie. Every Sunday @ 10:00 AM ET. RSVP here. 60 mins.
Flow Lab w/ Tyson Wagner. Every Sunday @ 8:00 PM ET. RSVP here. 90 mins.
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April 3rd, 2021
A friend texted me the following theory as to why I am good at taking multiple perspectives: I am not afraid of losing my mind.
I sense there is some truth here, but I am afraid of losing my mind. I've lost it before, a few times now. It is not pleasant, especially when you are aware of losing your mind while you are losing your mind. Why am I afraid of this? I did my negative visualizations and inquired into why, and what I am really afraid of is this: being alone, or to be more accurate, being alone forever.
The most painful thought is being abandoned, and becoming a stranger, especially to the one I love the most. I think that is something worthy of being afraid of, and that is something I've had panic attacks about. I had post-traumatic stress after the demons first came, and I experienced panic attacks because of it.
I was in a meeting at my past normie job during the last attack. When the walls started closing in, I excused myself to go to the washroom, but I did not have to go to the washroom. I went there to hide, to take deep breaths, and to reflect on what Marcus Aurelius would do or something ridiculous like that.
I have developed enough intrasubjective tools to deal with these attacks, and I no longer have them. Sometimes the fear comes back, mostly at night in bed when my mind is active and sleep is not forthcoming. Instead of chasing after coherency in these moments, I lean into the fear, and stay with it for a while.
Perhaps it is true that being practiced in losing my mind afforded me an exaptive capacity to stay with reality tunnels that are foreign to my own. I am not threatened by them, nor do I collapse into their view of reality, nor try to collapse them into mine. Once you go crazy a few times, and cross the valley with some semblance of sanity, you take a secret with you: everyone is crazy, most just do not realize it yet.
Camille and I have come back from our weeklong road trip, which was lovely. We were visiting small town after small town, and feeling into the personality of each town. We could definitely live in a few of them, and we may live in one soon. I am somewhat apprehensive coming back though. Something feels different now. I feel different now.
Spiritually speaking, I was offered an existential opening during year one of The Stoa. It was a very interesting year, hanging out in the “bardo,” as Bonnitta likes to call it. The bardo is the Buddhistic term to describe being in a liminal state, between death and rebirth. I am tired of being in the bardo now to be honest, and I am called to leave.
I am somewhat afraid to leave though. I am also afraid that The Stoa might not be interesting, or relevant, or may not have that daemonic edge it had during year one. I am afraid I might not have all these things as well, and yeah, I am still afraid of losing my mind. I will lean into the fear though, and stay with it for a while.
Feeling into the fear, there is something else nearby: a courage to do something new, and perhaps even do it in front of you. I ended an entry last summer by doing a quick negative visualization sweep. I will do that again now, by prompting it with a question: What is the worst that can happen?
Failing.
Feeling embarrassed by failing.
Experiencing financial hardship from failing.
Burning out from trying to succeed.
Becoming corrupted by succeeding.
Losing friends due to succeeding.
Hm. Stoically speaking, these are not so bad. They are all a part of the riskiness of living, and besides, living without risking something does not really feel like living.
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