Wifey for Lifey
Tomorrow’s events:
Bio-Emotive Framework: Live Emotional Processing w/ Doug Tataryn. Select Thursdays @ 2:15 PM ET. RSVP here. 30 mins.
Relational Exegesis w/ Freyja. Every Thursday @ 4:00 PM ET. RSVP here.** 90 mins.
Shame Breakthrough Bootcamp w/ A.J. Bond. Every Thursday @ 6:00 PM ET. RSVP here. 60 mins.
Live Players w/ Samo Burja. Every Other Thursday @ 8:00 PM ET. RSVP here.
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July 22, 2020
Smoking cigars and drinking whiskey is my favorite spiritual practice. My pink-haired wife does not like the cigar and whiskey combo, but she likes to vibe with my chill energy when I am enjoying them, and listens to me calmly meander about whatever philosophical mumbo jumbo that comes out of my mouth.
I was telling her some of my recent thoughts. Thoughts about us... Okay. I am going to wait for a moment. I want to check-in with myself and see how raw I can be…
COVID happened, The Stoa started, and the truth came out. We told each other everything. Things that would have broken up the relationship, if the truth came earlier. We have been together for 12 years, married for 2, and in love the whole time.
To complicate matters, in April I had intense romantic longings and flirtations with another woman. I did not do anything too unethical, I think. Things did get ridiculous though. Madness can do that I guess. Camille knows everything. No secrets are kept from pinky.
I am living in a nice part of Toronto at the moment, and some great parks are nearby. I go on walks by myself, which I like to call “prudence walks” because I reason about my life during them. The last few prudence walks I have been reasoning about my relationship, and my relationship with women in general.
All these relational “traumas” emerged, deep hurts, and I had a hard time grounding myself in prudence. I wanted to react from the hurt and do stupid things. It took multiple prudence walks, and I wrestled with the felt-senses that were trying to convince me that I was unlovable. I befriended them, which afforded me a chance to reason well and I came to the most reasonable conclusion: Wifey for lifey.
I am listening to The National, one of our favorite bands, and these pretty words are making me think of you.
So I'm gonna keep you in love with me for a while
I'm gonna keep you in love with me
I'm gonna keep you in love with me for a while
I'm gonna keep you in love with me
When we first started dating, we used to say “5 more minutes” during our post-love cuddling sessions. We said this to prevent ourselves from entering the world that seemed so uninspired compared to when we were in each other’s arms. When we broke up that first time, all those years ago, I wrote you a heart-wrenching email, using that line to win you back.
It won you back, but it was a lie. I never wanted 5 more minutes, because 5 more minutes is not enough. I want all the minutes. I am going to do whatever it takes to get them. I am going to do whatever it takes to keep you in love with me.
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