Coach Industrial Complex

Meme courtesy of Alex Ebert’s Instagram.

When thinking of what to call my philosophy practice, I did not want to use the word coach. On one hand, it is the most market-friendly title because people generally understand it. On the other hand, I did not want to be associated with the title, given its embarrassingly oversaturated use.

I am not on Instagram, but apparently, it's rampant with life coaches with toxically positive vibes claiming to transform one's algorithmically prophesied pain point. There are valid reasons to approach the developing "coach industrial complex" with cynicism and criticism.

To begin with, the toxic positivity and transformational overpromising do more harm than good, being a cheap band-aid to modernity's cancerous creep on anything that risks enchantment. Also, the whole thing is just cheesy, with young people lacking life experience offering trite life advice in clout-chasing posts.

It's a low-hanging rim to dunk on "coaches coaching aspiring coaches on how to be a coach." I want to be a contrarian here, taking an optimistic perspective on the phenomenon. Compassionately speaking, being a non-credentialed "space holder"¹ is one of the apparent options to escape the world of soul-hazardous nine-to-five office jobs. It can be a valid attempt for many to bridge their "vocation gap."

Furthermore, there is market demand for space holders, which includes coaches, therapists, and philosophical counselors. The reason: most people have shit poor skills at holding space. It is disheartening that people need to pay others to actually listen to them in a way where they feel "seen," but that's the reality of our modern situation. This reality should not be a surprise, given we are surrounded by sociopaths, conversational narcissists, and social zombies unthinkingly programmed by whatever hive mind they are plugged into.

The daily intersubjective violence of being misseen, misunderstood, and misjudged is all-pervasive, bringing an existential loneliness that is emotionally painful. This loneliness commonly leads to escapists coping to numb the pain or weird forms of spiritual bypassing², alienating people further from their families and neighbors.

Most deeply, the coach industrial complex has exaptive potential. Holding space that provides "unconditional positive regard"³ in a way that helps others have more agency in the external world (the coach role), the internal world (the therapist role), and the theoretical or "meta" world (the philosopher role) should be so widespread that people no longer need to pay for such services.

This belief evokes my ongoing plea for friendships of virtue. Holding space practices helps one improve at listening, accepting, advising, and guiding a body towards the good, the true, and the beautiful—all skills friends of virtue need. I know from experience that engaging in my philosophy practice for three years has interpersonally upgraded me in amazing ways. I am more equipped now to be a virtuous friend, partner, and parent.

Of course, I am leaning toward being overly optimistic in this perspective. Still, I sense the coaching industrial complex is a collective rite of passage to become skilled at truly being with one another.

In my philosophy practice, I hold space for individuals regarding their most pressing concerns. To see if there are any openings for long-term inquiry partnerships, contact me at thestoa at protonmail dot com. Additionally, I'll be offering single-session inquiries throughout the year, which you can schedule through the link below. You can read more about my practice here or here.

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Lastly, consider joining a wholesome group of people holding space for themselves at Collective Journalling, the place where I primarily write the majority of my Substack entries.

What is Collective Journalling? This communal practice happens via Zoom and is 90 mins, with check-ins in the chat at the beginning and an opportunity to connect with fellow journalers in breakout rooms at the end. You do not have to stay the whole time. If you are in an antisocial mood, you do not have to interact with anyone, yet you can still enjoy the coffee shop-esque communal vibe. The session concludes with an optional sharing of a passage in the chat. Most of the time is spent in silence together, individually inquiring about what matters most. A lovely group of people has formed around this practice. The practice occurs on weekdays @ 8 AM ET. RSVP link is behind the paywall.