Some emotions are contextual, stimulus-bound. Others are free-floating, with no obvious cause. The former are like internal warnings, friends with lessons tailored to the moment.
Feel guilty? Maybe you should have made dinner tonight—she had a long day at work.
Feel angry? Maybe you need to speak up to that person who rudely interrupted you.
Feel lonely? Maybe you are alone and need to hang out with a friend.
However, the latter kind of emotions—those nebulous ones that seem to pop out of nowhere—can be troublesome, especially for men who tend to be problem-solvers and overthink problems into existence.
As a current example, let’s assume I am feeling an intense sadness right now. Where did this come from? I have no idea. But what a great opportunity to solve something! Something feels bad, and that’s a problem because I should feel good all the time, right? So, let's solve this problem—and to solve a problem, we need to find the reason for it.
Maybe I feel this sadness because:
I'm not doing enough of "X"—exercising, socializing, accomplishing, etc.
I'm doing too much of "X"—looking at screens, eating processed food, listening to sad emo songs, etc.
My neurotransmitters are imbalanced.
I’m empathically picking up emotions from others who refuse to “own” them.
I need to become more emotionally integrated through psychotherapy.
I have a spiritual illness and need to find my way back "home."
Something is fundamentally wrong, and I need to overhaul my whole life, starting with my theory of life.
Something is fundamentally wrong with me.
These tricky emotional free-floaters never give clear answers, so you end up guessing. When all guesses are exhausted, that last option tends to stick, and any additional thinking just leads to an inescapable hell world, beating you into endless submission, where “entities” feed off your misery.
The real "problem" is viewing emotions as problems. Emotions—especially the free-floating ones—sometimes just need to be felt. The phrase “clean pain” refers to experiencing emotional pain directly, without trying to change it. “Dirty pain” is the opposite—running from the pain by trying to suppress or “solve” it, which only makes the pain feel worse.1
My response to the free-floaters: just feel them. Clean pain is the way. Running from them only invites them to stay longer than needed. Empty the mind. No thoughts. No solutions. No problems. Let the pain burn through. Let it humble you until you bow your head, asking for guidance—from the heart.
Tomorrow
from visits The Stoa to discuss his “accelerating wisdom” series.Accelerating Wisdom: At the Leading Edge of the Metacrisis w/ Tom Morgan. October 2nd @ 1 PM ET.
In this Stoa session, Tom Morgan, founder of The Leading Edge, will offer a summary of his Accelerating Wisdom Series, a decade-long exploration into the synthesis of transformational ideas and practices. As the metacrisis unfolds, how can we cultivate wisdom to navigate the increasing complexity of our times? Tom will address this pressing question, highlighting how wisdom can serve as our greatest human advantage amidst the rapid evolution of AI and global challenges. Join us for an insightful discussion on how to accelerate the development of wisdom and apply it to lead in these unprecedented times.
The distinction between clean and dirty pain was introduced by Dr. Steven Hayes, the founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). You can watch his session at The Stoa here: