I have things I want to accomplish this year, things I have never done before, and things I have no concrete evidence of doing well. An annoying felt-sense hauntingly appears when I attempt something new: a feeling that says, "This is impossible." I cannot seem to reason this felt-sense away. Three popular strategies to respond (react?) to this sense of impossible:
The Self-Help Response: Dope yourself on affirmations and visualizations, remove all "limiting beliefs,"1 and get into a state where you believe you can really do it.
The Psychotherapeutic Response: Sense deep into the core of any unmet “part”2 that emerges when the sense of impossibility arises - the ones that give birth to "cognitive distortions"3 - then integrate it by accepting it fully.
The Spiritual Response: Stop trying to accomplish things. Follow the life-giving creative impulse instead; no more efforting, only "effortless efforting,"4 and whatever unfolds is what is meant to unfold.
Like many individuals who caught the scent of wisdom, I've experimented with all these strategies. The Self-Help Response can be a good boost for jump-starting motivation, but when the ego takes the self-hype too seriously, the reality blowback hits hard. The Psychotherapeutic Response is excellent for self-acceptance and honoring what is, but it can become indulgent, recreating psychic drama while thinking "the work" is being done. The Spiritual Response justifies itself, creating an artful flow-state in life, but it can be a consciousness-fancy way to avoid real responsibility toward others.
All of these responses can turn into forms of “bypassing,” a defense mechanism where an individual engages in good behaviour in certain contexts, but done so in an escapist way, avoiding what is wise for them to focus on now. In a previous course I taught, I presented the following graphic to depict the three bypassers, using the “map of consciousness” from David R. Hawkins5:
Through self-help bypassing, you can launch a false persona that appears competent but lacks emotional depth. You might indefinitely swim in psychic shit with psychotherapeutic bypassing. Alternatively, you could become a consciousness space cadet, floating in non-dual blissful states while avoiding personal and societal issues. I suggest a fourth strategy: the Stoic Response, which is summed up by the “dying like a dog” quote from Stoic fighter pilot James Stockdale.
“Do the right thing even if it means dying like a dog when no one's there to see you do it.” - James Stockdale
Do the right thing, even if you will not accomplish anything.
Do the right thing, even if you get no pats on the back for doing it.
Do the right thing, even if it is painful to do so.
Sometimes, doing the right thing involves acting toward accomplishing something. This accomplishment focus is what the psychotherapeutic and spiritual bypassers - most of whom express a "Nietzschean slave morality"6 toward the self-help bypassers - would advise against. However, from experience, I've found that the personal accomplishments I value most were those in which the feeling of impossibility was constantly present, and I did the right thing anyway.
These accomplishments were characterized by a grittiness in the pursuit, a readiness for things not to appear pretty, a willingness to experience and be seen as pathetic, and the disposition to grind things out. However, the most significant aspect was not the accomplishments themselves; rather, it was the focus on what was in my control while doing the right thing that may have led to the right accomplishment. Persisting alongside the ever-present feeling of impossibility is undoubtedly an art—one that the aforementioned strategies fail to comprehend fully.
When meeting the sense of the impossible, I am still tempted by the bypassing impulse, wanting to throw myself into a possible belief state, pathologize some “part” that needs attention, or escape responsibility by radically shifting my consciousness beyond the self. However, a sense of the impossible is not bad:
It could be right, and it could be wise to move ahead regardless of its rightness.
It could be wrong, regardless of how right it feels, and all that is needed is to focus on the right thing to do.
It could be right now and wrong tomorrow, assuming one dares to move forward despite the doubt.
I am writing today to remind myself that I have accomplished things before, such as overcoming social anxiety and closing the "vocation gap.” These were done not through the absence of the impossible, but with its constant companionship. The impossible, that annoying gremlin of a friend, that spiritual shit tester, and the reason for many people quitting before even beginning. Not anymore. If reason illuminates the way with an enlivening clarity, then the sense of the impossible stands in the way for a reason ‒ to sharpen one's focus on what matters most.
Such a strange thing: staying long enough with the impossible alchemizes it into the possible.
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“Limiting beliefs” is a term from neuro-linguistic programming referring to ingrained beliefs that hinder individuals from realizing their full potential. These beliefs typically originate from prior experiences, societal influences, or negative self-talk.
“Parts: The term used in Internal Family Systems for a person's subpersonalities. Parts are best considered internal people of different ages, talents, and temperaments.” - IFS Institute Glossary
“Cognitive distortions" is a similar term to limiting beliefs, but comes from cognitive behavioural therapy, referring to irrational, skewed, or exaggerated thought patterns that have adverse effects on our emotions, actions, and general state of well-being.
“Wu wei,” or effortless effort, which Sinologist Jean François Billeter defines as being a "state of perfect knowledge of the reality of the situation, perfect efficaciousness and the realization of a perfect economy of energy.”
Hawkins is a controversial spiritual teacher who asserts that consciousness and truth can be objectively understood through muscle testing. While he is criticized for doing pseudoscience and has strong “woo-woo” vibes, I like the spirit of his map of consciousness, which I believe has some signal.
Slave morality is a concept introduced by the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche in his work "On the Genealogy of Morality." It represents a moral system characterized by values such as humility, meekness, compassion, and empathy. This moral system is contrasted with what Nietzsche termed "master morality," which emphasized qualities like strength, power, and dominance. Nietzsche argues that the "slaves" eventually end up demonizing the morality of the "masters." I am using the phrase in this passage to refer to the moral demonization that happens toward those seemingly pursuing conventional notions of success with seemingly conventional approaches, which the self-help scene encourages, by those who are deep into psychotherapeutic and spiritual practices and philosophies. While I find some signal in their criticism, I also sense resentment and jealousy lurking underneath, which colors their judgment, leading to cruder assessments than warranted.